Many families conclude, “I’m just going to care for my aging parent.” And it’s an admirable way to approach your parents’ aging—you want to care for them! However, there are some things to consider BEFORE you make the decision to care for your aging parents.
Finances
Many families might be appointed as the sole caregivers for their aging parents due to finances. Sometimes, there isn’t enough money to support their loved ones elsewhere, so they become the default caregiver.
While other families have the financial flexibility to choose how they support their aging parents.
One thing to consider is the cost of hiring additional support for YOU as the caregiver. As we are about to discuss below, there will be days or seasons when you just don’t have the bandwidth to be a “full-time” caregiver, so planning financially to hire extra support is going to be key to making it work.
Hiring in-home caregivers runs $40-$45 an hour, with typically a 2 or 4-hour minimum. So if you hire in help 4 days a week for 4 hours, that’s going to be $640 extra, just to get those breaks.
A Change in roles
Not many talk about this, but it happens often when you become a caregiver for an aging parent: Your role changes. Originally, you were a daughter or son, and suddenly and swiftly, you became a caregiver. You “manage” an aging parent, a role that our aging parents are not always happy with.
Sometimes, senior citizens feel like they lose more dignity in their role, changing from parent to patient.
They don’t want you reminding them or telling them what to do. They want to still FEEL like their parents.
What is it like being a caregiver for an aging parent?
Many families jump into caregiving for a loved one without emotionally processing the change that is about to happen. They naively but readily dive in and want to support an aging parent. But 2 years later, they are tapped, and here are a few reasons why.
1.) Too many roles
Let’s discuss all the roles a caregiver assumes when taking on that responsibility. As the primary caregiver, you often become the cook. You also assume the role of housekeeper. After that, you become a chaffer. Lastly, you become the entertainer.
If you’ve ever had small children or been a caregiver for small children, it’s exhausting because you are ALL of the above to them, day after day, month after month. When you decide to care for an aging parent, you might quickly become ALL of the above for them, too.
Imagine caring for a loved one with dementia, you are taking on all the roles above, as well as helping keep your loved one safe and secure.
I remember meeting a husband taking care of his wife with dementia. He did the best he could with the bandwidth he had. However, it wasn’t the healthiest of situations. If he left the house at all, his wife would leave the house, often found wandering around the local neighborhood. He was exhausted! You have to be “on” all the time, ensuring your loved one stays safe.
2.) Spread too thin
As a helper, you signed up to HELP. However, quickly, you might realize that being a caregiver is 24/7, especially if you are caring for someone with cognitive loss.
It can become a challenge to take much-needed breaks. Or taking time for yourself starts to feel selfish (to be clear, it is NOT selfish and is actually much needed). You become spread thin, wanting to support an aging parent but not realizing you are sacrificing your own health in the process.
3.) Caregiver Burnout
The last thing to touch on is caregiver burnout. When we choose to give of ourselves daily, and on most waking hours (depending on the level of care your aging adult needs), we get burned out.
We get snippy, frustrated, and lose the joy of caregiving. It becomes a job that entraps us rather than the goal of creating more connections.
We don’t prioritize taking care of our needs anymore because we are so focused on their needs.
Ultimately, most people who choose to care for a loved one do so out of the gift of LOVE. But if you start to become short-tempered, exhausted, or burned out, who do you rely on to give YOU the much-needed break you deserve?
Why Senior Living could be an option
Not every family wants to tap into the resources of senior housing communities to offer support for their loved ones. However, many communities offer many resources, so it never hurts to explore them. Exploring them doesn’t mean you have to do them.
Here are a few ways Senior living could be a help!
1) Senior drop-in programs
Not every Senior living company offers drop-in programs, but some communities do provide them for those with dementia. These programs can range from two-hour to eight-hour day programs. Either way, they can be a GREAT way for caregivers to get much-needed breaks.
2) Refreshed caregivers
One benefit of senior living communities, is most caregivers only work 8-10 hours a day, so they are often more refreshed and have the patience to support aging adults. Because of their daily breaks from caregiving, they can be more engaged and patient with the residents they serve.
3) Programming provided
Another benefit of senior living is that programming is already included in the cost of living. So, you don’t have to come up with activities to help each hour tick by; the staff is in charge of engaging and helping residents thrive.
4) Prevents caregiver burnout
Having worked in Senior living for over a decade, I have met many families that have reached caregiver burnout while caring for a loved one. Whether their loved one has dementia or another age-related challenge, constant caregiving is hard!
When you hand over the reins of caregiving to an entire staff instead of YOU, it helps you prioritize taking care of yourself so you can ultimately give some of your time to a loved one and really be present. The gift of quality time vs. quantity of time.
5) More connections
Lastly, being in a senior living community provides more connections for aging adults.
Recently, I met with a woman who isn’t retired yet but who said, “I never want to be in a community, alone and staring out a window.”
This was ironic to me because I’ve never seen a resident alone staring out a window in a senior living community. However, I have seen that many, many times when aging adults stay home.
In communities, there are so many residents and staff members to engage with one another that it’s easy to connect. Plus, you have family members who visit often—that’s a lot of connections!
Whereas when you stay home. Your connection comes from the immediate family. Thats it.
In conclusion
There are many right ways to care for an aging adult as their needs progress. Doing your research and finding the options that make sense to you is best. You only have 1 life, and you want to find the solutions that make the most sense to your goals and desires for life.
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